lately i've been rethinking weblogging. i've been doing it for 8 months now, and over that time my weblog has changed a lot. i've changed a lot. when i originally started this, it was a place to put bookmarks, the commentary was more for myself than any readers. i didn't have any readers.

now i'm more careful about what i link to. i'll avoid putting widespread stories in, just because i know other weblogs will be linking to them. i try to avoid filling up a day with links provided by other logs. i try hard to make my commentary succinct. it's becoming too hard.

this is not why i began my weblog, or what i wanted my weblog to become. i don't like what my weblog has become and what it's forcing me to become. i would refuse to do this kind of shit in my life, why am i doing it here? it's almost as if every tiny little change has added up into something that i never wanted. and it's my own fault. in trying to constantly improve, i lost my purpose.

so what does all this mean? i don't know. i'm going to try to continue with the weblog, it's an addictive practice. but, the weblog will be me. i will no longer attempt to cater to or accomodate my imaginary audience. trying to do this for other people will not work. this is something that i must do for myself.

more than likely there won't be a noticable difference at all, i'm pretty sure this is all my own mental issues. but reconsidering my attitude, goals and purpose are the point of this whole exercise. just as i couldn't be anything but true to myself in my journal, i must do the same with my blog.

be forewarned.

copyright 1997-2000, by brig.